monkeymom's Diaryland Diary
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Promenade...at least no one was pregnant this year.
How to dress for your prom
1. If you are wearing a dark mauve dress and it matches your skin color � stop going to the tanning booth.
2. If you don�t have enough boobage to fill the wired cups of your dress and they are gaping open in the front, trade dresses with that girl behind you who is bulging out of her top.
3. The cute shoes with the blinking lights in the heels look darling on the first 5 girls, and lame on the next 15. Be sure you are near the front of the parade.
4. Same for the sparkling fiber-0ptic light fixture in your hair.
5. But don�t pass up the chance to have those twinkling lights all over the front of your dress. Make your boobs light up!
6. Again, if you have a low cut strapless dress and not enough to fill those cups, let me suggest that timeless classic, Kleenex. You can also use it later when your feet are making you weep in agony after the � mile Promanade around the block in your blinking-light heels.
7. If you are wearing the above-mentioned strapless dress, and most of you are, instead of trying to discreetly tug your dress up, try using double-sided tape. It�s what professionals use, and if it�s good enough for J-Lo, it�s good enough for every little Jenny-who�s-been-around-the-block.
8. A girl walking with her tuxedo-d date, wearing a matching tux is cute. A girl walking next to the same tuxedo-d guy wearing jeans and a baggy shirt with printing on the butt (that says Godsmack), well, it ain�t pretty. And I saw you pick a wedgy.
9. Unless you are part of the post-prom rodeo, leave your cowboy hat at home.
10. Okay, the girl in the multi-colored horizontal Kool-Aid dyed stripes wearing a glowing light-up necklace, the twinkling light shoes and the sparkly light hair thing was just wrong on so many levels. Someone asked her where she got the dress and I don�t know what her answer was, but mine was �At the carnival,� to which Rachel added, �I knocked the bear off the shelf and won it!�
11. The girl with the ostrich-feather skirt � well, next time, don�t leave your dress laying on the bed where the cats can get it.
11:54 p.m. - 2005-05-07
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