monkeymom's Diaryland Diary
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In which I am sucked into the orbit of Planet Crazy.
I know everyone likes to think their family is the craziest family on the planet, but I'm here to say, mine is truly the craziest, so I ... uh...win?
This round of insanity started, I think, after Diana's mother returned from her stay on Planet Crazy, or Shirley's place. Grandma apparently reacted to the massive good time had by all with a little cardiac episode, causing Shirley to report to Diana's parents that Gma's heart condition is getting worse.
Gma is 87, and none of her children want her to live with them, so they are happy that for the last year or so she's been living with Shirley and doing fine. Shirley takes excellent care of Grandma, feeds her well, takes her to her many, many, doctor appointments, and sees that she gets her medications on time, and all she asks in return is our undying gratitude. I, for one, am happy to give her all the attention and thanks that she requires, and listen to her catalog of her own medical complaints for hours on end.
The first time I visited Gma at Shirley's house, I was with Sarah, and we happily stayed in a motel, where we could hide out at night in a quiet place with no babbling old people requiring us to nod and say "Mm hmm" with a frozen smile on our faces. In the daytime it was back to Shirley's with our smiles in place.
The last time I went to Shirley's, it was with Rachel, and we agreed to stay right there on Planet Crazy, which was a nightmare, and by the time we left I was ready to tear off my own ears if it would just make them all Stop Talking!
It was so hideously stressful that I said I would never go again, but when Diana said she needed to go visit Gma before she dies, I offered to go with her.
I called Shirley to let her know when we planned to visit and she immediately began explaining to me that she has this visit and that visit coming up and blah blah blah and she has her delicate health to safeguard, and it's just not a good time for us to come and stay with her. Oh. Okay.
Later I talked to Diana and we thought it would be best if we didn't try to plan a visit that included a stay on Planet Crazy, that it would be better if we just breezed into town, stayed at a motel, and took Grandma out to dinner for an hour or two, and then left town in the morning. What is the inconvenience to anyone there?
So all of that planning happened yesterday, and I wrote a journal entry, but it got lost in the internets, so you didn't read it.
Today I thought I would just call Shirley and give her a heads up about our plan, the one that didn't involve staying at her house and requiring her to cook for us ("I provide three meals a day!" as she always tells me when she is complaining about the ingratitude of her latest visitors). So I called, and oh wait. I forgot to mention something important.
When I first called to talk about visiting, and Shirley was putting me off, Gma was listening and made a remark about moving out if people couldn't come to see her, and she told Shirley to see if I had a spare room for her! You are gasping and saying, "No she didn't!" but I assure you she did, and Shirley was very upset about it, for which I don't blame her. She has taken good care of Gma and they have enjoyed being together up until this moment. Shirley was very upset after that, and she said it really hurt her feelings, and continued to mention it, because on Planet Crazy, you don't just make a statement once, you keep on making it until well, until Judgement Day, I guess. No, there must be a statute of limitations on repeating things, because she has finally stopped telling me how horrible Marilyn was to her, and that happened over a year ago.
So today I called to let them know about our plan to see Gma without inconveniencing anyone, and Shirley told me again (about 5 times) how that comment from Gma really hurt her feelings, but she didn't want to talk about it right then, I'm guessing because Gma was in the room with her.
I then explained the plan we made; to visit on the 8th of July, not the weekend her son is coming for her birthday, as he does every year, the weekend of the 4th, but on the following Friday, the 8th. She was kind of quiet about it, but I thought it was just because she had been napping, and she acted like it was okay, although she did say that she would like to have some time to spend with us, and I assured her that we would visit with her and her husband for an hour or two (which is a lot longer than I would wish), but she seemed to be okay with it.
And then there was an explosion on Planet Crazy, phone calls were made, in which Shirley apparently told everyone that we were cruelly rejecting her hospitality and carried on in a hideous way, offering to cancel the visit from her son, who comes to visit every year on her birthday, and it ended in Diana's parents telling her not to go to visit Gma, and then while Diana was giving me the news, Marilyn called me to tell me with her disgustingly transparent brand of what she likes to think is tact, that we shouldn't go. Why? Because Shirley is all crushed and hurt that we are rejecting her hospitality, that's why. Because after listening to her whine and complain and martyrize herself after every visit from family members, after listening to her laundry list of health complaints and stresses, I thought it would be better not to intrude on them there at Planet You-know-where, and wanted to visit and stay in a motel. OMG.
Can I just say here, that Marilyn is annoying? I know it's not really news, but please, I just want to say that when she "handles" me (because I am so volitile that I need to be handled carefully) it is so obvious that it is insulting! I mean, I like having my butt kissed, who doesn't? But I appreciate the subtle butt-kissing, the kind in which you don't so much notice it immediately, you just feel a pleasant warmth in the area of your coccyx, and then you glance down and find that someone has puckered up and is gently pressing their lips to your ass, not the blatent tongue kiss that leaves your tailbone dripping drool! Ugh. Let's just say that after Marilyn's remarks on the genius of me and my children, and her praise of my letters (Nobel prize for literature, anyone?), she let me know that Diana and I should not plan to visit Gma anytime soon, lest we bruise Shirley's tender feelings.
And that is why Diana is coming to visit ME and we are going to shop for yarn in every store within a 100-mile radius, and then sit on our asses and knit for 3 days.
Can you believe the drama? It makes my ass ache. Also, I should tell you again, in case you missed it, that Shirley's son visits her. Every year. On her birthday. Apparently it renders her incapable of functioning for weeks afterward.
11:42 p.m. - 2005-06-21
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