monkeymom's Diaryland Diary
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A baboon with a big red butt!
It's freezing outside!! I mean really, it's the middle of March and it's only 11 degrees out there!
We have to take the dog on about 5 walks a day, and the first one is at 7 a.m., so I go on that one with Rich and Buffy if I am home from work in time, and then this week since I am on vacation, I am awake in the evening so I take her on the suppertime walk, around 5 or 6 p.m.
Rachel has been going with me and sometimes Kim goes, too, but last night it was just Rachel and me and it was so cold outside that we had to really bundle up, but we were still cold!
We walked the dog on what has become our usual evening route. I walk her down to Empire St, which is about half a mile, and then we circle the block and come back.
Buffy likes to hold the leash in her mouth, I guess to pretend that she is walking me, although she is fooling no one but herself, but she will drop the leash quickly if she sees an attractive piece of garbage, say an empty pop can or an old rag.
On the first block past ours she found an old dirty glove in the yard a couple of days ago, and she picked it up and carried it, but I made her drop it before we passed that house, because I didn't want to steal their glove. So that was a couple of days ago and now every time we pass that house she has to pick that glove up and chew it a little, and last night we were cold and it was horribly windy and our misery was such that we just didn't care what the dog did as long as she was happy and took a walk to tire herself out so she would take a nap and leave us alone when we got back home! Do you see how a puppy is just like having a baby?
So we let her carry the glove and she was so happy, just trotting along with her glove hanging out of her mouth, humming a little tune, la la la, look, I've got a glove, aren't I clever? And then she had to stop and put the glove down and then pick it up again so as to have a better grip on it so she wouldn't lose her delightful glove, and then she had to drop it and pick it up and chew it a little because mmmm, there's nothing tastier than a dirty old glove, and then we were almost to the end of the street and about to turn around and come back when we could see that she had chewed the glove up into her mouth so only the fingers were hanging out! So I snatched it out of her mouth, and yelled, "What are you doing? Give me that! You're getting it down your throat - you'll choke! What the hell? You had that whole thing in your mouth? You could give a blowjob to King Kong!"
Rachel was laughing so hard she could hardly hold the leash! We kept walking and I was laughing and keeping up a running, complaining, ranting narrative as we walked, and the dog picked up a big stick and carried that, but it was dragging behind her because she wasn't holding the middle of it like a normal dog, she was holding one end of it and pulling it but sometimes it got a little ahead of her and I was afraid she would stumble on her big paws and fall and the stick would get jammed in her throat so finally I grabbed the stick in a crabby way and threw it away from us, saying, "Can't you just carry a stick like a normal dog, you gorilla-blowing freak?" and then Rachel was laughing so hard that she had to sit down on someone's lawn!
When we got our frozen asses back to the house, we would have liked to just stay in and be warm, but no, Kim had to go play in the school orchestra at an Arts festival, so we had to go back out for that.
Rachel and I both took our knitting, because we didn't know how long the concert was going to be, and it was a good thing we did, because it lasted forever!
So we knitted, and flirted with the cutest baby in the world who was sitting behind us, and made fun of a kid with a creamy orange stripe in his hair, like a creamsicle melted on his head and ran down the back, where is looked like a skunk stripe. Rachel tried to get a picture of him, but she was kind of far away because she isn't bold like me - I would have gone right up to him and acted like I thought it looked GOOD and asked him to pose for a picture of it!
Yeah, so that was a long night. After the concert, we had to wait for another half hour while Kim helped haul harps and whatnot back across the street to the Orchestra room at the Junior High. There were several people there that we knew, so we talked to them, including Neighbor Linda from across the street. (She always identifies herself as Neighbor Linda when she telephones, and last night she referred to me as Neighbor Audrey, which is just obnoxious!) Linda asked what our baby's name was, and I was wondering why - she's known Kim for years, her son and Kim have been friends since they were 6, but then I realized she was talking about the dog! She really is a little bit potty about dogs, and went babbling on about some other dog she saw walking with its owner while she was in the car and she actually stopped the car, got out and petted his dog! Actually I like Linda, but her bubbling baby-talking eternal optimism just gets up my nose, especially when I have raging PMS and have just sat through a 2 hour high school concert!
Rachel is supposed to be packing this morning, but she was too tired to do any more laundry, so she's watching cartoons on the couch while I wash clothes. I swear, I do everything around here and my family acts like I never get off the couch!
Yesterday I hauled the rabbit cage out to the garage (Rich was trying to make a dog crate with it but the dog hated it), then I dragged a garbage bag full of crap from Scott's room out to the garage (Rachel cleaned his room this week and I mostly watched from a recliner while knitting - it was like an archeological dig! "Look, transformers! Wow, this is from Scout Camp!"), and then I hauled two bags of comforters and sheets to the back of my van so I can take them to the laundromat! I was exhausted and then my family acts like I don't do a damn thing! "Mom's such a monkey!" They can kiss my fat hairy monkey ass!
7:19 a.m. - 2004-03-12
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