monkeymom's Diaryland Diary

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Allegory of the Fruit Bins.

So sometimes people in the Church from outside of Utah reach a point where they could get married, or would like to get married and because of circumstances, don't for a few years. Now in the Church this is a problem, because everyone who is already married expects that to happen immediately. Ideally, after all, shouldn't every girl be married at 18?

Here's the problem: availability of resources. I like to explain it this way. When you're at the store and you want to buy an apple, where do you go? Do you go to the orange bin? It is full of tasty fruit, right? Isn't that all you need? No, see the problem isn't the availability of fruit, but the kind of fruit you're looking for. It's not that there are no apples in the store, you're just looking in the orange bin.

This seems pretty obvious, right? I mean, of course you look for apples in the apple bin. Well, let's apply this principle to dating in the Church. If you can't find a good member of the Church who meets your dating standards where members of the Church are scarce, you may be using this same error of judgement.

At many stores, you will occasionally find apples in the orange bin. If this is the only place you look for apples, though, your choice is limited to these two or three specimens. If you're looking for a good apple, and these don't happen to be good apples, well tough. You're looking in the orange bin for apples. There are plenty of fine looking oranges, but that's not what you're looking for; you want an apple.

I have talked with a lot of single girls over 21- this renders them spinsters in the Church by the way- who complain about this, but get very angry when the next logical course of action is suggested. "No, I don't want to go to Utah to look for a husband!" they say to me, and I laugh. I laugh because what they have said is "No, I refuse to look in the apple bin for an apple!"

Let's face it: in Utah, one could easily find a large number of Church members. That's what Utah is about. It's Utah's thing. Are all of them fabulous? No. I do not subscribe to the Utah is Zion theory. I know that Zion is in Independance. No, that is not why anyone should move to Utah. I would never suggest that anyone should stay there. I wouldn't wish that fate on a dog! Here's how it works. If you want an apple at the store, a reasonable course of action would be to go to the apple bin and look around. What will you find there? Apples. In every shape and variety, color and texture, tartness and sweetness, apples. That's what you find in the apple bin. That's the apple bin's purpose- to be full of apples. If you don't like the first apple you pick up, or if it doesn't like you, riding dangerously close to the edge of my allegory, it's ok. There's lots more apples. Pick up another one. Maybe this is the apple of your dreams. Maybe not. Even if this second apple isn't what you're looking for, it's ok. There are other apples. The best part of the store's apple bin is that when you have your apple, you can then leave the apple bin. You are not bound to the apple bin to get everything else you need. The apple bin has served it's purpose. It provided you with an apple. You may go now.

Yes, I am of the opinion that a person seeking a righteous member of the Church as their spouse should- and I know this will sound crazy, but shed your foolish prejudice, and remember the apples- go where there is a large concentration of Church members to choose from. Utah, Arizona, Southern California, heck, even Southern Alberta, can be viewed as the apple bin. Yes there are nice people where you are, but what are you looking for? Are you looking for a tasty orange? No. No you are not. Go to the apple bin.

Not every apple in the bin is great. Lots of the apples are bruised, or unripe. Lots of the apples are scarred. Many of the apples have not served missions, and some of them smoke and drink. Some of the apples are under the impression that they ought to forever remain in the apple bin. Don't take one of those apples! There are lots of apples! Some of them are very shiny and tasty! Some served missions! Some want to leave the bin- they hate the bin! I'm not saying there isn't the rare good apple in the orange bin. If you find one there, keep it! If, however, looking for an apple in the orange bin has left you without the apple you want, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't angrily continue scouring the orange bin for what may not be there. Maybe you shouldn't cynically abandon your search for an apple, saying 'well, there's no apple for me!' Never should you give up looking for an apple and just take a nice orange instead. That's not why you came to the store. You came looking for an apple, and only if every apple in the store is rotten should you leave without one.

Please don't be angry at my suggestion. Reject the notion that going to the Book of Mormon belt to find a spouse is Inherently Wrong. It is ok to look for an apple where there are many apples. This allows you to choose the apple you like. Did you know that this is why the person who owns the store made an apple bin? It's true. He wants people looking for apples to come to his apple bin and take an apple. Then he wants them to go and get everything else they want from his store. He really likes his customers to be happy in his store. It's how he succeeds in what he does. He is happy to provide you with an apple if you look for one, but he puts them not in the orange bin, but in the apple bin.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? The apple bin isn't just a place for apples to sit, and neither is Utah or anywhere else where the membership of the Church is concentrated, only a place for members to stay. Apples can leave the bin. That's what the guy that owns the store wants. He wants you to be happy in his store. He wants you to buy his apples. It's ok to go to Utah, you see, because the Guy That Runs the Earth has provided you with Apples as well. He wants you to have an Apple. He likes it when you are happy on his Earth. Maybe, just maybe, he put a lot of Apples in one place so that people who want Apples can go there, get an Apple, and then get whatever else they need from his Earth.

Don't go to Utah because it's Zion. Go to Utah because that's where God put the apples for your convenience I mean, think about it. What other reason could he have had when he made a place as weird as Utah?